Alone. Scared. Terrified, really. Adrenaline was pumping through my veins, my legs shaking despite the fact that I was sitting down.
My body may have been preparing for fight or flight, but my brain wasn’t having it. “You can’t win,” I told myself over and over. “You can’t do this.”
I wasn’t staring down the barrel of a gun, nor was I looking to square off with someone who wanted to kick my ass. I was simply...traveling. Alone. For the first time.
When you really want something, it eats at you.
The smallest prickle on your skin, the near indiscernible flip of your stomach. The tiny voice you can’t seem to make go away.
The passion nudges you constantly. Listen to it. Your passion knows what’s up. It knows when you need it—and when you just want it.
Because there’s something different about wanting something that you truly want versus wanting something because it’s “the thing.” And if you’re not skilled in the art of listening to your body, it’s easy to confuse want with need.
These are words that I have utmost loathing for when they are all sitting pretty next to one another.
Tell me if you have this problem: when you’re writing, you rarely get something to sound just the way to you want it to the FIRST time ( a lot of you may even get frustrated and quit at this point).
For some of us, anyway.
“Write what you know.”
I can’t tell you how many times this advice has been lobbed at me. Sometimes I feel like it’s all I can do as a writer to fight my way through the phrase. First of all, I don’t feel like I know much of anything. Secondly, that which I do positively, absolutely, no doubt about it know…well, I find that I don’t bloom with desire to share it. Any of it. I know a lot about chocolate, but I don’t want to write about that. I know how it feels to be bullied as a teen, to suffer debilitating depression, but I don’t want to write about that, either. I know that there are people that can – that DO. I applaud them.
One thing that paralyzed me as a writer, for years, was the idea of sharing my work.
That’s a lie.
Are you reading this blog, thinking that your dirty little secret is still just that?
Wait, not that one. Weird-o.
The other one.
You have a little voice inside your head telling you to write a book.
Want to know when I get the worst writer’s block?
At the end of the day.
After my brain has been used and abused for one hundred other things – walking, driving, uploading, downloading, organizing, talking on the phone, remembering how many ounces are in a typical glass of wine. The usual.
Perhaps you can relate.
See, I never thought of myself as a morning person. In actuality, I was never much of a night owl either. I was more of an 11-7 type. So while there are articles written about how much smarter night owls are or how much more satisfied with life early birds are (why so many bird references when talking about times of day?) I never really related to those articles. I was neither.
Until I decided to experiment.